Someone once told me you never really know a person until you've held his schmeckel while he pees. I say you never really know someone until you've urinated together in Lafayette Park while wearing a wig and your super fav leotard. Well it's safe to say I know this particular attendee very well. Enough to know you'll have a far better time if she's in the room than if she isn't: Gar-On-Teed. Today's featured guest is a shoe-in for Spotlight as she exemplifies all that we look for in a friend, host, confidant and party companion. Here's a list of some little known facts from close friends and lover:
- The Athlete: A varsity discus and shot-put thrower in high school.
- The Humanitarian: With a close childhood friend, she once bought pet guinea pigs named Oscar and Benji (named after ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ dancers). After caring for them for 24 long hours, they decided it was just too much work so K-Rags and said friend took them back to Petsmart, quietly left them on a shelf and walked out. After further inquiry, Art Party 2014 determined the duo at least put them on a low shelf hoping they wouldn't fall off?
- The Minimalist: Her beachouse has a whole closet full of muumuus, which, as the night gets later, she often wears around the house - channeling grandmothers everywhere.
- The Culturist: When she first moved to DC, she lived next to a bar frequented by Ethiopian cab drivers, where her and her roommate obviously became regulars. She was also quite the artist and dancer in High School (don't worry K., I peaked there too).
- The Hillbilly: When K-Rags was a child, she lived in Jamestown, NC. One her favorite activities was playing in the creek, catching minnows and tadpoles, and generally just getting dirty (and not in the Art Party way). She also once drove a red convertible (like as her car, not just for a one time thing) and owned a hermit crab for 4 years. His name was Rudy.
- The Worker Bee: Bet you didn't know she worked as a barback in Adams Morgan. Bet you also didn't know that for a brief period in '09 she ran a lucrative brothel named "Quivering Hills" that catered to BBW and Food Crush fetishes while also becoming a market leader in compassionate human trafficking.
- Redaction: Art Party has recently learned that last little known fact might not be entirely accurate.
- Misc: She once asked when Christmas was this year, like she thought that it was the third Thursday in December or something.
- Redaction: Point in Fact, Art Party has learned the lucrative brothel was not officially named "Quivering Hills". Due to trademark issues, K-Rags went with "The Very Jolly Roger".
Likes: French bulldogs (especially ones named Pete), French culture, theme parties, crop tops, ice cream, turning down for what, dark foreign men, Food Crushing, multi-colored writing utensils, America.